2005-02-26 - 12:48 p.m.

It is so difficult for me to find time to update this journal now. Any free moment I have is spent reading others' posts, checking email, paying bills, cleaning, or attempting to get a little Nancy-time in by taking a bath and reading a book. Things are slowly getting better though.

Confession time - You make think I'm a horrible Mommy, but I've discovered that Evie sleeps incredibly well on her tummy. I've been letting her sleep on her tummy and her sleep has increased from 1.5 hours to 4! Yes, I'm horribly paranoid about SIDS but from what I can tell, the chances are still really, really slight - less than 1%. Nonetheless, I'm headed off to Babies R Us today to buy an Angel monitor, which is a device that monitors the baby's breathing and movements and sounds an alarm after a certain amount of time if either desists or lessens. It's slightly pricey, but hey - I'm buying peace of mind.

Anyhow, I've been getting way more sleep, which enables me to better deal with Evie and her screaming fits during the day. I've found that she tends to be the most fussy from 6-10 p.m. (when C. gets home -- poor guy). Nonetheless, I sometimes feel that she's either asleep or crying. I do realize that at this age crying is the only way that babies can communicate their needs. I am therefore, counting the days until she can smile at me and interact more. Right now I sometimes feel like she's always grumpy/unhappy, and I feel like she doesn't really like me beyond being a food bank. Deep down inside I know this isn't true, but that's why seeing a smile will make such a huge difference.

I get a little bored during the week at home. I desperately need people to visit me and hang out. Or if the weather would only improve and I could go for walks around the lake. The past week or so I've been feeling down. I'm rotting my brain away with daytime television; I'm eating like crap because my diet is so limited and I can't cook healthy meals from scratch, and I weigh 150 - can't manage to lose those last 15 pounds (probably due to lack of exercise and crappy food).

C's been feeling down as well - I think we're both feeling a little trapped by the baby. Me because I'm home all day and because my boob must always be present; C because he works all day and then comes home to baby duties. I know things won't continue this way indefinitely but the transition is nonetheless tough.

Well, gotta run. For the first time ever, we are going to try running errands with the baby. Hopefully she won't freak out and be too fussy.

Love,

Nancy

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Moving to a new home - 2005-03-28
Grumpy mommy - 2005-03-17
at last - an update! - 2005-03-16
Ahh - spring is upon us - 2005-03-01
I finally have a spare 5 minutes. - 2005-02-26